PRO CRASTINATOR


That's me
I get all fired up and get all the ideas in my head and then...
PAUSE
Nothing, I'm just waiting for an opportunity to hurry up and do something
It's like I need to be under pressure to make a change, take a chance, make a move
I'm not driven all the time like some people
But when I am, damn it's sweet!
It's like I'm on top of it all, I can accomplish anything...and I do
And then...
PAUSE
How do you keep the momentum going?
How do you keep the big picture in front of you so that all that other noise/mess/pain/past/emptiness/loneliness/failure doesn't take over?
So afraid of my own power...the possibilities...so much...
PAUSE...PROCRASTINATION

What the...?

ever feel like what the...?like everything is about to change, but everything should really be something else? like when you woke up you were supposed to remember something that you left behind in a dream?like it was important and real?like maybe you just went to sleep and NOW you're dreaming?like you're missing something, you were supposed to be doing something that is just beneath the surface?like there is more (a whole damn lot more)than meets the eye and you keep waking up or falling asleep and missing it?
I don't know if i'm making any sense to you, but, something has been just nagging at me. Like I've spent too much time hiding from myself and from the reality that I should be living. Like I need to get focused, but I keep getting distracted and just missing myself. I go online and I see all you and your artist friends on myspace and I think everybodys work is so awesome and amazing, and I get this feeling like "wake the hell up, there' something you're not doing!!" I've always said "I'm a jack of many trades, master of none", but I have not spent any time really developing anything. I feel like I've always had this potential to do some great creative things, but I've always been too shy and nobody ever pushed me hard enough and I haven't been disciplined enough to push myself. I mean, I've been drawing/sketching,writing poetry and singing (well I still probably can't sing, lol) since like the 3rd grade. I look at other people's creative work and I feel like, if I had applied myself I would have some amazing work of my own to contribute to the world.
It's late, I'm rambling. Maybe I should just "dream a better dream".

Blessings

Singleness, Celibacy & Marriage:
A topic that I’ve been considering quite a bit lately: Singleness, Celibacy & Marriage. Have you noticed that there are more and more people that are single? That’s because there are! And some of us, don’t want to stay that way. What ever happened to COMMITMENT? When did that become a four letter word? When did it become such a distasteful thought to be with someone (just one person) that you share your mind body and soul with, in a committed relationship? No games, no promiscuity, no drama (well maybe just a little, since some people feel validated by it).
Nowadays, people (both men and women…but mostly men, in my observations) want to be single and “free” until…well, until Mr. or Mrs. perfect just drops on their lap out of lala land. How did we allow ourselves to become so selfish and self centered? It’s all about me getting mine, getting more, getting off and just doing me. Has no one noticed what this is doing to the basic structure of life…the family?
Yes people are waiting longer to get married, but they (some) are reproducing during that wait. See, some of us are waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect for marriage, but not for sex. “Damn he/she is fine!”…wham, bam, thank you mam, SEX!! Yeah, I said it!(my bad, maybe that was just me and my friends?)
Now we have to add someone new to the equation, ten months later (40 weeks!!people 40 long weeks!!). Here is a new life, but you’re not quite a family are you? This is not the situation you wanted to be in. That wasn’t really who you wanted to be with, for the rest of your life was it? Please, you didn’t even know if that was someone you wanted to see again, period!! But now, oh yeah, now you have to deal with this person on a real level, sex aside, fineness aside (is that a word?). And you may find out that that person is not altogether stable (or not stable at all!), and this little person you both created is the one stuck getting the short end of the stick.
At this point, some men step up to the plate, put their own personal needs and wants aside and take care of their responsibility (like they’re supposed to!). But a growing number of men are not doing that. They’ve opted out. You on your own baby girl…I got mine, I got off and I’m going elsewhere to get some more good luck with that situation you got, see ya! (Clue to the ladies: If that’s pretty much how it jumped off, he’s probably not trying to take care of that child. Don’t be stupid woman, file for child support, handle your business!)
Did I miss something? Oh yeah, celibacy…don’t give it up to just anybody. Wait for a serious commitment…a love based relationship. Why are we settling for less?
Holla at your girl!!