This ain't livin'

Get up, get me ready, get her ready
Get out, drop her off, drop me off
Work, do his shitt, do her shitt
Get paid, pay this bill, pay that bill
Get broke, don't do shitt today, don't do shitt tomorrow
Get angry, don't have shitt today, don't have shitt tomorrow
Cry...
Get up, get me ready, get her ready

This ain't livin' it's just my life

Lonely is my company

Lonely is the only adult company I have
Sure I've searched for others, but lonely is the only one that sticks around
Through the good times and the bad times
Lonely is always there to comfort me
When I'm angry, sad or depressed
Lonely always stands the test
The more time passes the more painful is lonely's grip
Lonely is here to take my life
Although I fight...try to keep focused on the light
Lonely chokes the tears from my eyes and the breathe from my lungs
Is this all my life will be, all it has become
Struggling against loneliness and time
Fighting to appear free from it's grip when reality is I'm at its fingertips
No one sticks around
I always push them away
I always run
Back to my best friend Lonely
Lonely is the only adult company I have

Broken Hearted

I've been broken hearted before
I've stayed broken hearted
Last night the princess that I live my life for broke my heart
Angry at me, she cried out for a father that's never been there for her
I couldn't breathe from the shock
I suppose that's how my mother felt when as a teenager I did the same thing

Everything that goes around, comes back around

Knowledge of that truth, doesn't make it any easier to bear
I've been broken hearted before
I've stayed broken hearted

Da Block

My block ain't like your block
You remember hopscotch, tap tap tap and bike patrols
I remember drug dealers, crack vials and crack heads

My block ain't like your block
You remember hide-n-go-seek, freeze tag and red-light-green-light 123
I remember being ostracized, not having any friends for the day and watching everyone else play

My block ain't like your block
You remember fun, friends and arcade games
I remember the lady from upstairs running down to our apartment holding her son in one hand and her bloody face in the other. I remember being teased everyday, being molested and keeping that secret (because those aren't things that happen to us right?)...who cries for the child whose innocence is lost while a single mother hustles for a dollar and a better life for her daughter?

I cry for that little girl who didn't get to play everyday, who cried herself to sleep and put a brave smile on her face hoping the memories will
be erased.
Why did you leave? What are you running from? Will you come back?
I won’t go back to stay. Because even though there has been gentrification and beautification, and although Guliani cleaned up the streets and put more cops on the beat,
All I see is corners where drug dealers and crack heads used to stay,
The streets where I used to watch everyone else play,
The building where I was molested...

My block ain't like your block

Today in the world...

It just seems like something out of a movie, one without a happy ending.

Did you ever think that you would read something like this in the papers, in our lifetime? What of our children?What will the headlines look like in their adulthood? Will they even get to see adulthood?

Today on nytimes.com
Plan Was to Sneak Liquid Explosives on Planes (excerpt)

On Thursday, Britain raised its terror threat assessment by one notch to its highest level, “critical,” meaning an attack was imminent.

The American official said the plotters were planning a “dry run” of the operation in the next few days when they planned to test whether they could board flights simultaneously. If this had worked, a full-scale attack would have been carried out within days, the official said.

PRO CRASTINATOR


That's me
I get all fired up and get all the ideas in my head and then...
PAUSE
Nothing, I'm just waiting for an opportunity to hurry up and do something
It's like I need to be under pressure to make a change, take a chance, make a move
I'm not driven all the time like some people
But when I am, damn it's sweet!
It's like I'm on top of it all, I can accomplish anything...and I do
And then...
PAUSE
How do you keep the momentum going?
How do you keep the big picture in front of you so that all that other noise/mess/pain/past/emptiness/loneliness/failure doesn't take over?
So afraid of my own power...the possibilities...so much...
PAUSE...PROCRASTINATION

What the...?

ever feel like what the...?like everything is about to change, but everything should really be something else? like when you woke up you were supposed to remember something that you left behind in a dream?like it was important and real?like maybe you just went to sleep and NOW you're dreaming?like you're missing something, you were supposed to be doing something that is just beneath the surface?like there is more (a whole damn lot more)than meets the eye and you keep waking up or falling asleep and missing it?
I don't know if i'm making any sense to you, but, something has been just nagging at me. Like I've spent too much time hiding from myself and from the reality that I should be living. Like I need to get focused, but I keep getting distracted and just missing myself. I go online and I see all you and your artist friends on myspace and I think everybodys work is so awesome and amazing, and I get this feeling like "wake the hell up, there' something you're not doing!!" I've always said "I'm a jack of many trades, master of none", but I have not spent any time really developing anything. I feel like I've always had this potential to do some great creative things, but I've always been too shy and nobody ever pushed me hard enough and I haven't been disciplined enough to push myself. I mean, I've been drawing/sketching,writing poetry and singing (well I still probably can't sing, lol) since like the 3rd grade. I look at other people's creative work and I feel like, if I had applied myself I would have some amazing work of my own to contribute to the world.
It's late, I'm rambling. Maybe I should just "dream a better dream".

Blessings